She said, “I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”
She lifted the part of her hair that covers her tiny forehead. Her meaty hand revealed a small red bump. “I went out drinking last night and fell down and hit my head on the door knob. I’m really worried people here (at work) will notice and be disappointed in me. Can you see it?”
“Only when you lift your bangs. You should be fine.”
She says, “Well, I just knew I had to tell you because you do this sort of thing sometimes. haha Anyway, how was your weekend.”
How was my weekend? Well, this weekend was one for the books, actually. I went out-of-town to blow off some steam. Met up with a friend, got hammered, went to see a bunch of local rappers perform-got a shout out!- crawled into a lesbian’s bed and freaked her out–allegedly! allegedly! Got up at 6am and drove home. I’m having trouble dealing today because the size of the hangover I’m working off would knock you to you knees. I spent too much money pretending to be a rock star, so looks like Ramen noodles are what’s for lunch and dinner for the next five days. I haven’t had sex in over a month and I just got my period today so it looks like that won’t be happening now either. Oh. And I nicked your car when I parked this morning and you will totally know it was me.
I back out slowly and say “It was pretty boring, actually. I gotta get back to work. Good luck with that bump- you party animal!”